An abuser is unleashed. Malevolent, deceptive, coercive, and abusive. He or she abuses the target parent and the child. We hate him or her. We are after him or her. The system protects him or her. We watch the abuse right under our eyes. We fight, we protect our child. We are the protective parent. We love the child and must protect it. We hate the abuser. We want him or her exposed. We find like minded people. Ones who perhaps went through the same thing. Or perhaps organizations that are focused on protecting the victim of abuse and the children. We join. We tell them our story. We MUST protect our child.
Yet, we fail. The system (Narcissistic Pyramid) protects the abuser. And hands over the child to the abuser. Perhaps the system even puts us to jail (Why are Protective Parents Jailed?). So the abuser abuses the child. It alienates the child from us, the protective parent. The child starts seeing us the same way as the abuser. The child start to rejects us. The Narcissistic Paradigm replicated itself (Parental Alienation - Not what you think). We lost the child. The child became one of them. The abusers. We lost the fight.
The child grows into an adult. Marries and has a child. And abuses the spouse and the child. So they divorce. And it all starts again:
The abuser is unleashed. Malevolent, deceptive, coercive, and abusive. He or she abuses the spouse and the child. The spouse hates the abuser. The spouse is after the abuser. The system protects the abuser. The spouse watches the abuse of itself and the child right under his / her eyes. The spouse fights, protects the child. The spouse is the protective parent. The spouse loves the child and must protect it. The spouse hates the abuser. The spouse wants the abuser exposed. The spouse finds like minded people. Ones who perhaps went through the same thing. Or perhaps organizations that are focused on protecting the victim of abuse and the children. The spouse joins. Tells them story. Her or she MUST protect the child.
At what point do we turn LOVE and PROTECTION into HATE and PERSECUTION of the same person?
Do we see that we are part of the problem? When Fighting Abuse Actually Enables Abuse
Perhaps the reader thinks that if the system didn't enable the abuse, if it didn't hand over the child to the abuser, if only we - the protective parent - had the child, the cycle of abuse would stop, right? Wrong. Let's see:
What if we managed to protect the child:
An abuser is unleashed. Malevolent, deceptive, coercive, and abusive. He or she abuses the target parent and the child. We hate him or her. We are after him or her. And we managed, somehow, to expose the malevolent actor and the child's custody is given to us, the protective parent. Victory. Yet, how did we end up having a child with a person of Narcissistic Paradigm? It is because we are host of the Codependent Paradigm. These two paradigms are a yin and yang to each other. So the "protective parent" with the Codependent Paradigm raises the child. And the Paradigm will replicate itself onto the child, or will create its mirror image. The Yin will create the Yin or the Yang.
The child grows into an adult. Marries and has a child. And finds itself in a relationship with an abuser. Abused and coerced. And it all starts again:
The abuser is unleashed. Malevolent, deceptive, coercive, and abusive. He or she abuses the spouse and your codependent child.....
There is no escape. (Yes, there is) We are doing it wrong. Our fight against abuse is actually part of the problem: When Fighting Abuse Actually Enables Abuse. We enable the abuse by fighting it. The fight itself gives the narcissistic supply to the Narcissistic Paradigm.
And within our own Paradigm Blindness we do not see anything. We righteously fight for the greater good on the surface, while doing exactly what the Codependent Paradigm wants underneath. We are no different, no better, than the abuser with the Narcissistic Paradigm. That is a hardest thing to accept. But it is a path to healing. Healing that leads to breaking the cycle and really protecting our children. People with Codependent Paradigm are the strongest people on earth. We are capable of healing this. People with Narcissistic Paradigm are not. They are trapped in the paradigm. We are not. Yet this is a painful path that requires us to see our own ugliness. There is no other way.
Break the cycle
If you truly want to break the cycle, we MUST HEAL. We must extricate ourselves from the paradigm we live in. That is the only way to remove from the Yin and Yang dynamic.
We MUST see our ROLES in this dynamic in order to heal. We MUST HEAL. Start here: Healing.