This article describes problems in addressing conflicts. We'll focus on family legal system and why it is not being addressed however this applies to any structure. There are multiple advocacy groups e.g. for eliminating domestic violence, or for protecting children, or for protecting parents against abuse or false allegations. Unfortunately, the groups themselves become fragmented and divided and thus start to fight against each other, rather than for the cause.
The following examples of narratives are very common among people or groups:
"If only the judge would look at evidence...."
"We need more education for professionals (judges, lawyers, psychologists) to recognize signs of [abuse, false allegations]..."
"You have to look at facts, not opinions..."
"The judge [lawyer, psychologist] should be trained [educated, qualified] to ...."
"Hard evidence shows [children are abused, fathers are abused, mothers are abused, expressions of abuse has to be taken seriously to prevent abuse, false allegations are rampant and damaging families]..."
The problem
People live in a Paradigm. And paradigm hides itself from the host. The host is experiencing Paradigm Blindness. We acknowledge that this is a metaphysical leap from modern thinking however this frame explains the problem and provides a solution. The problem of actually fixing the conflict, or abuse of family members is real. Yet, fighting over how to fix it is actually perpetuating the problem. There is a specific Narcissistic Paradigm that abuses people, and is highly deceptive and hides itself. It creates division between people who then fight against each other, which protects and validates the Narcissistic Paradigm that then continues with the abuse.
Narcissistic Paradigm is effective because other paradigms give it power and a benefit of the doubt. Other paradigms actually enable it, and that is especially true for the Codependent Paradigm.
The biggest protection the Narcissistic Paradigm receives from all paradigms is that they all believe that people are completely in charge of themselves, in control of all of their actions, thoughts, and decisions. This belief then allows such a person to issue SHOULDs and SHOULD-NOTs about its target. It's a judgment. "He or she SHOULD or SHOULD NOT do this or that" AND that would fix the problem, the person believes. Yet, if a bear breaks into a garden to eat berries, such a person would not advocate for educating a bear or issuing a law against a bear, or telling the bear that it SHOULD NOT eat any of the raspberries. The person would clearly see the bear as not having a capacity to do any of the above; that the bear is acting on its own instinct and not volition. However, if a person is acting on its own volition, then we can educate them, enforce through law, or tell them what they should or should not do, and thus we can modify their behavior. That might be true for some paradigms but Narcissistic Paradigm is a very rigid paradigm and it does not follow this as it believes it knows better than all other paradigms.
So if the reader still believes that a narcissist can change then the reader is experiencing Paradigm Blindness from within its own Paradigm. If the reader believes that an alcoholic should stop drinking then it is the judgment of the reader that the drinking is a mere volition of the alcoholic and changing it can be merely willed. That is not the case. And if the reader believes that a narcissist can simply will itself into a different behavior or be educated to see the world differently, then the reader is again operating from within its own paradigm. Or not recognizing the person it is judging that that person is operating from within a Narcissistic Paradigm, which is Paradigm Blindness of the reader.
And if the reader is unable to see and change its position on the above, then it is experiencing its own paradigm's rigidity. And it is exactly this rigidity that casts SHOULDs and SHOULD-NOTs onto others, so the paradigm can hide itself and judge the others. And this is exactly what the Narcissistic Paradigm exploits. It exploits that other paradigms make the hosts blind. Within SHOULDs and SHOULD-NOTs lies a realm that is hidden for the person issuing those statements. And in this realm of the host the Narcissistic Paradigm can effectively induce a psychosis and find a victim or a Flying Monkey. If the target heals, and closes the realm, rises within its own Paradigm Blindness, it will close the door for the psychosis. It's the only way to fight abuse. It's Healing. We MUST HEAL in order to FIGHT ABUSE. Otherwise the fight either doesn't work, or it always comes back (within a society).
So within the above rigidity is also where a belief that education can fix the problem comes from. Education doesn't do anything. Any rigid paradigm, such as a Narcissistic Paradigm, will not change through education. It already believes it is the best. It also believes it controls everything (and it does), it is getting what it wants - narcissistic supply (and it does), while staying hidden (and it is). It does not need education as there is nothing to educate from within its own Paradigm. Everything is working as it SHOULD and as it wants. However, it will gladly submit to education in order to create perception of its benevolence, which will give it more narcissistic supply and validation how superior it is.
Pointing out facts, educating, or telling the other party that it should or should not do something NOT only does not work, but it FEEDS NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY to the Narcissistic Paradigm. Look at it from within its own paradigm: it wants to abuse, replicate itself, and stay hidden. So it abuses and creates deception and chaos. In that chaos, it sees the in-fighting between groups that try to 'fight -abuse- back' but nothing happens. Many of these groups are themselves full of people with the same Narcissistic Paradigm pretending to fight for victims: When Narcissists Lead Support Groups. So victims joining these groups, fooled and deceived again, escaped one abuse and gas-lighting that took years if not decades, fell for another deception and thus are providing more narcissistic supply to the paradigm. The hosts of the Codependent Paradigm, the victims or targets as we call them, are actually part of the problem. They escape one narcissist, only to find another in a different form. They feed the Narcissistic Paradigm.
So the groups advocating for addressing abuse are actually propagating such. Well, that should not be a blanket statement. Yet, one must be careful of what is the group's real motive. Is it a protection of a certain class (such as victims) or persecution of another class (eg. Mothers or Fathers) while hiding behind righteous cause of the former. We MUST be very careful. The former group is an advocacy group and the latter a cult. And any advocacy group becomes a cult the minute a narcissist rises to the top of such a group. And rise they do, as they smell the narcissistic supply like a shark smells blood. The reader is encouraged to read When Narcissists Lead Support Groups article for more details.
Can the reader see the irony and deception here? Again, narcissists (paradigm) abuse (physically, emotionally, sexually) and get narcissistic supply. Then another narcissists (same paradigm though) create groups advocating against abuse which draws codependents. These narcissists now create fights and divide groups which enables more abuse on all levels, while the codependents are deceived that their group is fighting for them. So the codependent feels protected (just like initially in personal relationship with a narcissists) while being gas-lighted, and the narcissists keep getting its supply and ABUSE continues on all levels. We have to admit that the Narcissistic Paradigm is very effective in its malevolence and deception.
There is no education or change in laws that will address this. It's literally like commanding a river, or enacting a statute, that the river should flow to a different location. And then creating groups that will discuss, research, and fight for those that live in a dry land, how to coerce the river. Yet the river keeps flowing however it wants. And the people in charge of the advocacy groups are the ones that benefit from the river as it is, as they live on irrigated lands. So on the surface they fight for the river to change its flow, and underneath keep it the same, while those in the dry land are content and grateful to have someone fighting for them. They are completely fooled, suffering, and content. Can the reader see how the narcissists receive intoxicating supply here as they reaffirm their dominance?
The amount of narcissistic supply for the narcissists is intoxicating.
If we do not look at this this way nothing will change and the abuse will get worse and worse.
The Solution
The solution to the above is simple, yet the hardest thing to accomplish. People with Codependent Paradigm hold the key to the solution. And not only that they hold the key but they are the only ones actually capable of using it. They ARE the solution.
The simple part of the solution is: we must STOP providing the narcissistic supply. On all levels and in all forms. That's it. That will force the Narcissistic Paradigm to deal with 'withdrawal symptoms' and to face itself in the mirror. It will never do so by telling it what it does and how malevolent it is. It will only do us if we don't give it what it wants: Our reactions. But instead we give it exactly what it wants: hate, fight, support, division, validation. We ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. We MUST HEAL.
The complex part of the solution is that in order to STOP providing this supply, we MUST HEAL and confront our own paradigm. That takes enormous strength, yet possessed only by codependents. This requires admitting the role we play in this abuse and healing.
We MUST HEAL and UNITE.