Healing is a painful process. It requires shifting your own Paradigm. Combine that with paradigms always hiding from their hosts (you), so we suffer from Paradigm Blindness. We logically justify our own Paradigm, so we don't see it. So how do you change something you don't even see that exists?
Usually it is pain and suffering that brings people seeking change. They may not know what exactly they are seeking. So they seek and go to therapy, or yoga, or validate their feelings through friends, spiritual books, you name and it is out there. The pain is real and we want it gone. However, as long as you look externally for help, you will not heal.
This introduction is to set the stage. And expectations. It is to tell you what the path of healing will look like. But also to tell you that there is nothing in these pages that will make you heal. Only you can. And usually, pain and suffering is the motivating force. If you are not motivated enough, you will not heal. These pages will be mere words. Or ideas of someone. Or a babble. Your paradigm will reject them. Paradigms never want to change. They don't want to die. They need you to live. They do not need 'you to live'. They have no problem destroying you. They have no problem abusing you. But they need 'you' for them to live. You are the host. Paradigm will fight your healing back as if its survival depends on it. Because it does.
Advice #1: Healing is a spiritual process. Reading is an intellectual process.
You may have read some spiritual books, bible, or self-improvement books but looking back nothing really changed in your life. There is a reason for that. Healing is a spiritual process. Reading is an intellectual process. There is nothing that a book can say that the reader would automatically integrate into one's behavior or belief system. The book can provide a guideline, even an awesome advice, but it is up to the reader to embody it so it becomes part of the person, part of the paradigm. Same is true for this website.
E.g. "Love your enemy". Easier said than done. It's merely 3 words, yet may take a lifetime to embody. So again, reading and healing are completely different things. Keep that in mind when you are rejecting what you are reading (paradigm fighting back) and when things are not progressing as you'd expect (paradigm fighting back).
Advice #2: Paradigm will fight you back.
What you are about to read is not meant to be read. It's meant to be studied. Word by word. And understood. If you don't understand something, read it over and over. If you still do not understand it, it is the paradigm fighting you. Ask questions. There is a form on this site for that. Break through it. The time and energy you spend on figuring it out is actually more important then figuring it out. It will show the paradigm you mean it. You will encounter a lot of paradoxical things. Study this website so you can see the path before you walk it. And seeing it and walking it are completely different things.
Advice #3: Expect Paradox. Failure is Success. Success is Failure. Perceived versus Actual.
Expect to fail. Expect to struggle. Expect to suffer. Expect all emotions. Expect paradigms fighting back. All of that is necessary for healing. Those are painful but good signs. Healing is very paradoxical. If you feel you are healing, you are not. If you feel nothing is working, it is working and the paradigm wants you to stop and thus making you feel that way. Your mind (paradigm) will fool you. Only the strongest see and push through it. Healing is becoming that strength. Thus expect to become stronger. Through healing you will be able to carry your tribulations. You will become a whole person. There is nothing, absolutely nothing more difficult in this world, than to challenge and overcome your own paradigm. Once you do it, you will be strong.
Advice #4: What is Healing?
What is healing? It is NOT that your problems will go away. It is NOT that the suffering will go away. It is re-framing how you see yourself and others around you. It is becoming stronger, able to carry your tribulations, and find meaning in them. It is finding peace in the struggle. Healing is paradoxical. All the way. Do not attempt to understand it. Do not attempt to interfere with it. Do not attempt to figure it out yourself. All of those are paradigm's way of leading you astray.
Study the Paradigm Blindness article. It describes levels of healing.
Advice #5: You WILL fall for the trap of your own logical mind.
Intelligence is completely irrelevant to healing. Logic and understanding is completely irrelevant to healing. Healing is spiritual. Intelligence and logic and understanding will attempt to prevent you from healing. You WILL fall for this trap. That's OK. Get up and walk again the path.
You WILL come up with all kinds of reasons that WILL make complete sense to you, why the healing is not working or that the advice here is wrong. Your MIND will push back. Truth will be in the opposite of what the mind will tell you.
If you find yourself leaving this healing because it is 'not working', and you will find yourself seeking and seeking other methods, that's a sign to come back. Paradigm wants you to seek, so you don't heal.
Advice #6: Start Here
In order to set the stage and context, read and study the following articles:
- Paradigm
- Paradigm Blindness
- Narcissistic Paradigm
- Codependent Paradigm
- Why Abusers Portray their Victims as Abusers?
- When Fighting Abuse Actually Enables Abuse
We are here to support you along the way. We WANT YOU TO HEAL. We MUST HEAL to make this a better world. It all starts with YOURSELF.